Man...

I remember back in the day when it was ALL about Livejournal.  Now it's fucking MySpace. 

However, I felt I needed to post this, so go to this site:
http://www.pulseartscenter.org/

I fucking give up. I can't please anyone anymore. Nothing compares to the constant feeling that everyone is diappointed in you. No fucking wonder I deal with things the way I do, it's the only time I ever get to feel decent about myself.

See how many bandnames you can find in these lyrics:

Taxi Driver by Gym Class Heroes

I took cutie for a ride in my deathcab
She tipped me with a kiss I dropped her off at the meth lab
Before she left she made a dashboard confessional
And spilled her guts in cursive but whats worse is
I could still see her bright eyes like sunny day real estate
Oh my and in a funny way it irritates
So high but no chance
My little chemical romance left a bad taste in my mouth
But I imposed her like hey mercedes why the long face
Why you cryin? theres no need
Just put on this coheed and fallout
Boy meets girl jimmy eat world
But Schlep eats pills till hes all out
Not once not twice she was thrice times a lady
Mackin on brand new, but I had to
Bounce over to the postal service to
Pick up these pills that take care of my nervousness
And all the way I saw planes that were mistooken for stars
She played games but she took em too far
At the drive in
Watching soft porn and you can tell
By the trail of the dead, that there was somethin in the popcorn
I hop in my cab destination midtown
Just to get up with some kids that like to get down
I'd made my rounds and that was that
In between the frowns and scraps and heart attacks
And I remember I seen her ass in early november
On a thursday takein back sunday for a refund
She shot a wink like no hard feelings
Then she jetted to brazil man them pills had me spun

This is the story of the year right here
This is hot water music
Put ya ramen into it

Alkaline trio and rise against, here we come...

So I was driving in my car the other day, listening to swing life away by rise against, and the lyric "I won't cross this street until you hold my hand" got me thinking: I don't think anyone realizes how unappreciated human touch is. I don't mean that in the sexual tense, either. I mean it as in someone just holding you or your hand, alomost like a feeling of security. I mean, you have to look at it this way: you hear about people who are in therapy because their mother never held them and their father never said I love you, and meant it. Random, I know...

This is really dumb but for some reason, it bothers me so much when people don't send reply texts relatively soon after you send yours. Does that bother anyone else, or am I alone on this one?

To the people that this applies to: Are you going to that Charter reunion thing at the old campus on Saturday?

As of now I have officially been a highschool graduate for over a year.
Goddammit, I feel old.

I'm going to cave today and buy a Coach bag, more specifically, either:
this one: http://www.coach.com/shop/product_nobefree.asp?product_no=6582&category_id=68
Or
this one: (yes, I suck at doing cuts.) http://www.coach.com/shop/product_nobefree.asp?product_no=6582&category_id=68

I had the most bizaar dream the other night: I had moved out and gotten an apartment in San Francisco with Tiana and Chelsea. And the funny part is that it felt totally fine, not all awkward (sp) and off, like we had kept in touch and made this joint decision to move out with each other.
Strange.

Apparently I have to get at least an 85 on my math final... just to pass it with a C. Although he did say that given how low my test average is, he would certainly consider giving me a C overall in the class if I just get a B on the final...



Just Breathe...

I'm glad to be dancing again, and a lot of people are telling me that I'm getting stronger... So why do I find it so hard to believe them? Thank you, mother fucking charter, for that one. I think I'm going to have lunch with the company director/teacher on tuesday, since we don't have classes on that day, and since I never work on tuesdays or thursdays, just to discuss things, since she's real big on communication, I gather. It's kind of funny how you think you're totally over a problem you were dealing with, but it comes back twice as hard a year later. Old habits die incredibly hard.

On another note, I think my body's trying to detox, but I'll set that straight sunday. Tuesday was the first day I'd taken class straight in a while, and it's funny being able to remember things you did instead of basically walking around in a stupor, simply doing things you're told to do without asking any questions. Actually, that's kind of how I am anyways, so I guess that's not much of a stretch, is it?

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I really need to make an appointment to see a doctor. My breathing has become so shallow that lately I have to try to take a super deep breath just to compensate for the lack of oxygen. I find myself feeling like I haven't even taken a breath sometimes, like that whole joke about the blonde needing the listening tape to remember to breathe, except this time, it's not funny and there's no joke to be found. Goddamn you body, why are you shutting down on me now? Watch, I probably have something like endocarditis.

I think I'll be moving out of my house(s) in either a few months or a year, depending on how much I work in the upcoming months... Should be fun/exciting/scary. $700 a month for a three bedroom in Natomas, minus utilities. With Stephanie and her friend Chelsea, who I get along with well. I'm worried, though, that my parents will cut me off completely, save for tuition. That means I'll be paying for gas, insurance, payments, and groceries. But at least I won't be spending a huge amount on rent. I think it would be fun. And I would be close home. It's just that my dad and I find ourselves fighting more frequently than ever. I really can't deal with it anymore. He goes to his room, I go to mine, and that's my night. We shall see.

I made a new (sort of) journal. It will be my primary one, and I may or may not clean out my friends list, I haven't decided yet. I may make it a friends only journal. Don't get offended if I delete you. I will be leaving this one up, due to little gems like this: http://www.livejournal.com/users/xxhanniblexx/34342.html#cutid1.

Here is my new journal: empathy_kills

For all of you who are still in high school: I'm sorry.
For all of you who are now motherfuckingFRESHMAN: Unh, brush yo' shoulders off.
Ladys is pimps, holla.
I could never be ghetto.

I GOT BIT BY A WHOREY LITTLE BEE. I HOPE THE LITTLE FUCK NUGGET DIED AN EXCRUTIATING DEATH.

P.S: These are the most emo-esque lyrics EVER:

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that I am (vindicated)

Saw "The Village". Very good. I am so disappointed in people, although these people I am disappointed in constantly pepper their speech with "likes" and "you knows". I was in the bathroom at the theater and these two girls were talking about it and the fact that they didn't like that there wasn't much of a plot in the movie. Hey, dip shits, a movie doesn't always have to have a plot to be a good movie. Ugh, people like that should be placed in front of a wall, blindfolded and shot.

P.S: $70 isn't bad for two days of work, right? Saturday I worked a little less than six hours and Sunday I worked around seven hours. Oh well, money is money. I get my full paycheck next Friday. Yay?

I have a policy, dear friends. In this policy, I state that no more will I get any guys number. Instead, he will have to get mine. This ensures that a)he wants your number instead of you wanting his and looking like a stalker idiot, b)you won't face the rejection of him saying no, and c)he has to call you, instead of you haveing to call him. I know I am damn well tired of always having to call a guy instead of him calling me. Now that that's said, I have a new boy toy. He is a life guard. He is yummy. We are hanging tomorrow. Let's see if I remember how to do this whole "semi date" thing. It's been awhile.